Dating As A Single Mom

When I found out I was pregnant I knew I would be raising my son on my own, and that's all I was thinking about. It never occurred to me that I would ever be interested in dating again.  I felt so betrayed by men in general I never wanted to try again. This is an unrealistic ideology. My first "relationship" after my son was born caught me off guard. I never expected to be interested in somebody so soon, but then it happened. It's always when you're not looking that someone comes along and sweeps you off your feet. 

Pre-Jetson the risks of getting into a relationship didn't scare me because there were no strings attached. Post-Jetson, a different story. As a single mother, or father, you never want to bring people around your child that might not stay in your life because it confuses the child. I swore I wasn't going to let anyone I date meet my son until I felt that person was going to be there  long-term.  I broke my rule mainly because I believed just that, he would always be there regardless of what happened between us. I was wrong.

 It's hard to date as a single mom because  a lot of the time men will recognize your vulnerability and use your child as a quick in to you. I'm not referring to that relationship when I say that because if anything he liked my son more than me, from beginning to end which is great...however I felt this way toward men since that relationship ended. Men will try to win your heart by buying your child presents or being great with kids, thinking they'll get gold stars for doing what they're supposed to do, or that just because you're a single mom you're "easy to get" or to add a twist on a quote from  Katherine Heigel in the movie Knocked Up, "Just because I'm a single mom it doesn't make me some ruined woman and all romance has gone out the window." 

My best advice is to stay grounded. Try to not let the fact that you're alone blind you to peoples intentions. Of course you want to meet the right person in hopes they can heal the broken heart and step in to fill that void. In all honesty you have to fill that void solely on your own, so that if a real man comes along he'll be an addition to your already fulfilled life not a solution to a missing link. The main tip I would suggest is to follow through with my initial plan of not bringing the man in your life around your child until you feel they are deserving to share in that part of your life. 

With Valentine's Day tomorrow, I know just the regular "Single Awareness Day" will be a lot harder for those of us with children on our own, but celebrate the fact you have a person in your life that will never wake up one day and decide not to love you. You will always have a Valentine with a child in your life. 

Stay positive, don't give up hope, but be very aware of who and what you allow in your life!